he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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