Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
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