had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
