just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
