so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
