Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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