I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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