i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I have tasted many bathrooms
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
