Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
