She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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