Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I puked a lego.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
