He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
