omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
what day is it and did you see me today?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
