I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
