Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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