Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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