Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
