Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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