The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
