Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
