he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
