I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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