I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
