I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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