At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Is it penis luge time yet?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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