I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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