don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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