My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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