I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize