Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
