i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize