I wish I could teleport
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My first STD was from a foam party
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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