Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
