he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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