Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize