I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize