hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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