What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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