at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
