So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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