nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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