I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
