Your face is a jimmy john
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
