He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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