My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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