did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
