If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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