I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
