it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
