my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
God, you're like boner-b-gone
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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