Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
