I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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