You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
