Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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