we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
