When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize