It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
