I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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