sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Alive.
So much puke
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
