Nicole vs. Life
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize