No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
