happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
