You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
