areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
