Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
