dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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