you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
