I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Randomize
