i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
