its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
