She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
BRING THE BAGELS
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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