I think I died a long time ago.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
