Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
