I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
