I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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