my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
